8 Parenting hacks to teach your children- failure is the secret to success

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Parenting Hacks - Failure is the secress of success

Originally Published on 3rd August 2017

“Parents are a really critical force in child development when you think about how motivation and mindsets develop,” says Kyla Haimovitz, a professor of psychology at Stanford University.  

“Parents have this powerful effect really early on and throughout childhood to send messages about what is a failure, how to respond to it.” Parenting hacks to help your child cope with failure.

The most beautiful leadership role we play in our life is that of a parent. It is easy to produce kids but it is difficult to parent them positively.  Even though every parents only objective in life is to raise happy, healthy and wise kids, it is not easy to achieve. We are constantly judged for our decisions, style of parenting and lifestyle. Like any other leadership role, it needs planning, execution and parenting hacks.

I understand that we all want our kids to win and excel in every activity they participate. Isn’t it necessary to teach our kids the idea of failure. 

I, also, understand that as a parent my job is to safeguard my kid from any harm. Isn’t it necessary to teach our kids to deal with their problems on their own?

There is a very fine line between protecting our kids and teaching them to face their problems on their own.  Children who fail to tolerate the idea of failure are exposed to anxiety and it can lead to bigger problems. In this age of social media, we glamorize the idea of success and forget that it has an effect on kids who cannot deal with it.

Parenting Hacks

Here are 8 ways to teach children failure is the only secret to success

1. Definition of success

My definition of success can be different from yours. It is extremely important as a parent to define success. In India, most parents define success as getting 99% in board exams or getting admission in the A-List College. I find this definition really shallow and unacceptable. Ask your child what is his definition of success. Talk to him.

When the time comes in the future for them to head to higher education, do a college search together and ensure they’re as involved as possible. This can help them feel happier and not like their life is being dictated by what they think they should be doing.

2. Reading books

As a parent, I will consider myself a failure, if my daughter doesn’t indulge in reading books. When you read books you learn new things, understand human emotions and explore new ways to solve a problem.

“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.”- Charles William Eliot

3. Parent-kid play time

Keep aside your PSP, Tablet, and iPhone; play some board games with your kid. Teach your child strategy games and challenge them to play with you and win. This will not only ignite the fire of competition but will also teach the idea of the positive/negative outcome. I still remember how we used to have Chess competition in the family where every family member used to get involved. My grandmother is still the champ in the game of chess. Play Chess, Monopoly, Chinese Checkers, Black Jack, etc.

Parenting hacks, quotes

4. Read problem-solving stories together

Get some problem-solving stories and read it together. Provide multiple solutions to the problem and ask your kid to choose one. Teach your kid to break down his problem and find a solution on his own. Here are the basic steps to problem-solving: Identify your problem and break it into manageable parts. Let him do some brainstorming.

5. Ask your kids for help

When kids get involved in helping parents in managing and organizing things. They practice to handle a task on their own and get the most important message that you TRUST them. Next time, when you organize a Christmas party ask your kid to become an event planner.

Parenting hacks, quotes

6.Learning from mistakes

We all make mistakes. This is inevitable. Let them identify their mistake and learn from it. Every failure is a learning process. I read something very beautiful today – We always tell our kids to confess their mistake and when they open up, we end up scolding them or punishing them. The very idea of learning from mistakes can help when we help them understand their mistakes.

7. Gratitude

Teaching kids to say, “Thank you” comes under the umbrella of good manners but truly instilling a sense of gratitude isn’t easy. It is important to teach our kids to treat others with dignity and respect.  Gratitude makes us optimistic and less materialistic. It makes us deal with short term failures and setbacks in a most positive way. Start with Thank You notes and teaching respect to elders will go long way. Let them work, make their own bed, don’t buy everything for them and be a good role model.

You should also teach your kids to help others as well. There are several people such as Anthony P Orlich who speak about volunteering and encourage everyone to find their interest and use that to decide how to volunteer. You can help older kids do this too. Focusing not just on what they can do for themselves but for others as well is a good way to develop character.

8. Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is more important than self-esteem. When you feel compassion for yourself the way you feel for others suffering, you get emotionally and mentally strong. Instead of judging and criticizing yourself for various shortcomings and failures, self-compassion makes you kind and understanding. Perfection is an illusion and its definition changes with time, place and experiences. Children are a mirror image of their parents, in a stressful situation the way you behave they pick it up and the words you use are the words they pick up. “It’s okay, this didn’t work the way I wanted it to but I tried hard.”  Help them understand their emotions.

And at last, teach them to Let Go!

Former United States President Harry Truman was once asked why his father was a failure. Mr. Truman replied, “My father was not a failure. After all, he was the father of President of the United States.”  Everyone has a unique style of parenting but the sole aim of all parents is not to fail our kids and their future.

What is your idea of Failure? How do you teach your kids to deal with failure/loss?

Here are some quotes from Winners who looked beyond failure. 

Lots of Love

xoxo

 

67 thoughts on “8 Parenting hacks to teach your children- failure is the secret to success”

  1. Great article! My kids were big on reading and we had family game nights every week with board games, cards, outside games as well as Nintendo game competitions. One thing I noticed was missing is teaching them to be humble. We all make mistakes and I believe it’s important to teach them to own up to them and apologize if such a mistake or failing hurt another person in that process. The example should also be set by parents. Our kids should see us openly apologize for them as it teaches them #1 – that we as parents are also human and imperfect and #2 – since they tend to mimick our behavior, it’ll prompt them to do the same. Pride has its place but a humble person gains more respect and self worth.

  3. these are wonderful! my parents made me read but also read to me as a little one. it’s one of my most favorite memories!

  4. As a competitive dancer, growing up it was hard at times to keep motivation up when you wouldn’t place well or get the results you wanted. I was so fortunate to have a parent who supported me and reminded me that with the right amount of work and dedication the sky was the limit. Great post, I definitely agree with the tips you shared. It’s a great way to build a strong understanding with winning and losing.

  6. This is such a helpful post with useful tips on accepting failure. I do not have kids at the moment but these are really helpful to scribble for use in the future.<3

    xx Aditi

  7. Oh yes that’s really so important. Kids have to learn to fail to succeed and this learning is must even when they are small. Loved reading these hacks!

  8. I think asking kids for help, when they are in their teens, is the most difficult thing to do, at least it was for me. It’s so easy to think “I can do it quicker/better/cheaper” and end up doing it yourself. That is not a good idea.

  10. I’m not a parent yet, but I agree with you 100 percent. These thoughts always run in my mind, trust me list of things you mentioned, people know it..know it well but they just dont imply them..or some make reason for not being able to do. We have to be aware, learn and pass on good to make our upcoming generations a better human being,than just being a successful racer.

    1. I agree with you 100%. Failure breaks our heart and we forget to apply any points but my heart breaks when I find students getting depressed due to fewer marks or failing…I find it extremely important to teach how to deal with failure more than embracing success.
      I am glad that you liked the post! 🙂

  12. Reading books is a big one for me. I read constantly when I was a child and I think that’s why I write so much now. Reading is the best thing you can do with your kids.

  13. Great post. 99% A- as a success, that would be such a hard standard to live up to for a person. I can’t imagine all the undue pressure and stress. I love your list and tips on hot to parent a child for success and failures.

  14. This is such a great post. It is so important to teach our children that failure is not bad, but a necessary part of the learning process. So many successful people became successful through their determination not to give up when they failed previously. Instead they learned from their failures and used them in a positive way to achieve successful outcomes for their lives. Such a good message and I love your 8 points.

  15. I had never heard of the term self-compassion before. But I agree with you that it’s much more important than self-esteem. As people we have to know we are going to fail from time to time and that it is part of the process of becoming successful. I love this post.

    1. Self-compassion is more important than self-esteem, especially in the age of social media. Thanks 🙂

  17. I don’t have kids but agree with you that parents should not put pressure on their kids to achieve their own dreams. Success can’t be measured only in getting good marks or college. Success has a different definition. I FEEL that if you’re happy and satisfied with your life, you’re successful!

  21. I love the idea of asking your child what their definition of success is, instead of assuming that it’s the same as yours. And unplugging from devices and playing classic games together is something I wish my family had done more of!

  22. Thank you for this post. Parenting is such a tough job. I used to be overprotective with my kids that I noticed it did not give them much chance to discover and grow. When I let them explore, ask questions, learn about things their own way, I saw they were happier. When they got into sports, I taught them that it is not winning that is important. It is being part of a team and playing the game to the best of their abilities. Losing is not failure. Failure is falling down and not getting back up.

  24. This is a great post, my little boy is still quite young, but there are definitely some points that I can already utilise. Absolutely agree that instilling a sense of gratitude isn’t easy and really cherish our play time together.

  26. If all parents understand these simple steps all parenting problems will be solved. I am not a parent yet, but I wish all parents get the above-mentioned points.

  27. I think that failure is a great thing in many peoples lives and is too often panicked about too much, resulting in worse effects. I think if a child knows what to take away from failure at a young age that would be good.

  28. This is good one, Many new mommy like me can get more info from your post. And asking kids for help is really good habit. Thank you dear for really amazing post.

  29. I agree parents must emphasize that it’s okay to fail once in a while. In life, we cannot get what we want all the time. What is important is how we bounce back from the failure and use it to fuel your energy to succeed.

  31. Such a great, encouraging post for parents! Parenting is definitely one of the most difficult, yet rewarding jobs on earth. It is easy to want to shield your children from failing, but you’re right, it’s important for them to learn how to get back up and try harder.

  32. My mom always taught me to not be afraid of failure and to embrace it as a landmark on the way to big successes. It’s great that she always supports and encourages me to not give up.

  33. Thanks a lot for these really useful tips, I am still not planing to have a child, but reading this made me think good of the way I would raise my kids… All of us really need to invest so much time in our children, and teaching them one of these inspirational tips you just posted will for sure be mandatory.

    Thanks a lot 🙂

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  35. This is such a useful tips on accepting failure. Learn from our mistakes, ask for sorry for what we did wrong. Children should listen to parents because they know what is right and wrong.

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